


Iscariot.

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood and Injury, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, POV Regulus Black, Regulus Black Deserves Better, Regulus Black Feels, Regulus Black-centric, Suicide Attempt, Young Regulus Black, basically me projecting on regulus, brief mention of eating disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 06:47:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27189550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Regulus stared at his bleeding knuckles, his vision blurred from the faintness he felt in his bones. His knees shook violently as he walked toward the bathroom sink. Calm down, his mind whispered breaking through the deafening sound of water dripping in the back of his head.«You are useless, Regulus so the least you could do, is do what you’re told»
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Iscariot.

**Author's Note:**

> CW: mention of self-harm and suicide attempt, brief mention of not eating (be careful it might trigger you if you struggle with eating disorders). 
> 
> the title is based on this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i8ba1CT4GoA

Regulus stared at his bleeding knuckles, his vision blurred from the faintness he felt in his bones. His knees shook violently as he walked toward the bathroom sink. _Calm down,_ his mind whispered breaking through the deafening sound of water dripping in the back of his head. Regulus laughed at the blood staining the previously immaculate porcelain, it was such a pathetic sight. He swallowed hard, his wrists getting warmer and stickier at each one of his heart beat. His pulse twitched three times before he went completely blind and fell on his knees. He bent down until the floor pressed against his cheek, coolness shooting across his whole body. _Calm down,_ his mind whispered as he slid in to unconsciousness.

Regulus woke up to the sound of muffled voices behind his bedroom door. Footsteps went back and forth outside his room. He vaguely recognized his mother snapping tongue and he could already feel her glacial words cutting through his flesh. Regulus sighed and held up one of his forearm. Slivery scars flickered on his pale skin forming the path of a failed escape. Apparently he had to go deeper. Regulus didn’t look up when the door swung open. Sunlight bathed the room in the dim evening light.

«Regulus Arcturus Black» 

Walburga said with poison in her voice. Regulus stiffened under the blankets. His mother towered him, she had daggers instead of eyes.

«I won’t allow your behavior anymore. As the only heir of this house you should know what your duty is. How dare you being so weak» 

She spat through gritted teeth. Regulus remained silent allowing each one of her word to settle in. Walburga clenched his chin, sharp nails digging in his skin, Regulus hissed in pain.

«If something like that happen again, _I_ will kill you myself, understood?»

«Yes mother»

«Tomorrow night you will join the Dark Lord and for once, you will make us proud»

Regulus bit the inside of his cheeks until he could taste blood in his mouth.

«Yes mother» 

Walburga looked at him with her lips pursed.

«You are not your brother, Regulus. You never will. If you think your father made you the heir because of your worth, you are terribly wrong. Sirius would have been the perfect Master but you» Walburga shook her head, her face was twisted in a grimace. Regulus thought that she would have scoffed if only she didn’t think of it as vulgar.

«You are useless, Regulus so the least you could do for us, is do what you’re told» 

She finally said leaving the room. Regulus sank in the bed. Darkness dancing in front of his eyes. Sometimes he wished he remembered how to cry. He pressed a thumb on his wrist and brushed the path of scar tissue. _If only it had worked._

Regulus pushed his food away. His stomach grumbled in protest but he couldn’t eat. He needed to stay empty, to feel the pain and the uneasiness of starvation. His forearm itched but he avoided touching it or else he would’ve had to face the reality that was now carved on it.

«This is a great day for our family, we have secured our place in the Sacred Twenty-eight»

Orion said from the other end of the dining table. Regulus nodded.

«We are proud of you son» 

Regulus’ head shot up at that. His father was looking at him with piercing dark eyes. It was a glacial gaze, something far from affection but for the first time, Regulus felt seen.

«Yes, we are» 

Walburga echoed before sipping her unholy glass of alcohol. Regulus’ stomach unclenched. Was it all it took? Erasing himself.

«Thank you»

He muttered and stretched a smile. Sixteen years. He went through sixteen years of nothingness to realize that he just had to sacrifice himself to experience a pathetic copy of love.

«It’s just the beginning, I promise»


End file.
